Running for office

I've decided to take the plunge and put my money where my mouth is.

I'm running for public office.

Vice President.

On the Slutpublican platform.

Ms. Catalano, my running mate and future president, is going to do most of the ribbon cutting. I will, Dick Cheney like, stay in the shadows and formulate policy.

A brief sample:
My international policy with regard to the EU: Give France back to the Germans, since they didn't appreciate our saving them the first time. And then give the Germans to the Russians. In exchange, Russia will give us her full stockpile of WMDs and all of their scientists and technicians.

The next country we invade will be Zimbabwe, to rid them of their evil dictator. Regime change for countries that don't have oil. After that, we may take over Canada, but only for trade purposes. Except Quebec, which can have its independence, and will become a colony again, part of the France-Germany-Russia trade.

Domestically - so-called-soft-drugs will be made legal and regulated. The tax will help pay for the deficit left by the republicans, and will eliminate a major source of funds for terrorism.

There will be more of these over time, but today we're just announcing our candidacy.

If you, or someone you love, may be a Slutpublican, or may have something to add to our policy, please, be in touch. We will need a groundswell of support if we're going to throw out the Bush administration and simultaneously prevent the Democrats from filling the void.

Also - we will not have speech writers, and there will be no focus groups. The only thing you will get is pure, unvarnished us. If you don't like it, fine. Just know that with us, you get the truth and the real us, not some Carville/Fliescher tissue of lies and obfuscation.

(the above button links to our official announcement)

Posted by Swerdloff at April 28, 2003 08:45 AM